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The Secret is You.

Dearest Clara and Nutcracker,

Welcome to your night.

A night of snow. A night of lights. A night of magic. A night in which the dancing invites the audience to feel the enchantment. And they do.

And not just because of the snow and lights and magic, but because of the pas–a dance for two. Because of you.

You dance side by side, connect, break apart, return. It happens again and again. Lifts, turns, leaps.

The power of Snow Pas seems to be in the togetherness, but the secret is that it is not.

The secret is you. Snow could not be a Pas without your strength. Snow could not be a Pas without your groundedness. Snow could not be a Pas without both Clara and the Nutcracker being whole and complete on their own.

It is true in ballet and true in life.

In order to be a good partner, a good friend, a good member of our family, we need to be good to ourselves first.

Be strong in yourself so that you can be strong for others. Know who you are so that you can help others know themselves. Be gentle and kind to yourself so that you can offer kindness and grace to others.

There will always be asks and demands and pressures on your time. Friends will need you. Family will want you. Life will pull at you.

Before you say Yes to them, say Yes to yourself. Before you give to them, give something to you. A quiet moment. A deep breath. An awareness of who you are. When we know ourselves, we are most ready to help others.

And then let the Pas begin. Let the dance of life take you wherever the music leads.

And tonight, let it lead you to the land of enchantment. A place you have created for yourself, for your partner, for the audience. All from the magic of you.

 

With all my love,

Mama Stahlbaum

Love this Nutcracker Love Note? You can pin it.

This is the tenth year I have performed in The Nutcracker. It is my ninth year as Clara’s mother, the eighth time I have written a letter to the dancers.  Here are the links to the letters for the past seven years: messy messy joy joy, stage fright, the balance pointe, home for the holidays, blizzards of truth, life in ¾ time, in a nutshell.

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Free Guide: 5 changes in 5 minutes to make parenting better, easier, right now!

Summer of Love. Each week we do something just a little bit different. A small twist on regular life. Last week was choose-your-own-emotional-adventure. Everyone in the family got to author their own experience.

This week you don’t get a choice. I’m telling you what to do. Which may feel like a surprise, since being bossy isn’t my usual Summer of Love style.

 

Nahhhhhh.

I’m not really going to tell you what to do.

But I am going to tell you how to feel.

Yep. Bossy. Because I’ve been watching closely—my friends, my colleagues, my clients—and I’ve seen something recently. We all need a bit (or a lot) more Joy.

Joy holds a unique space in our emotional experience. It’s lighter than happy, more carefree than content. It is the surprise emotion that sneaks up inside of you, bubbles out, and then floats away.

Joy tends to be coy. At least for adults. For us she hides in plain sight. She’s there during the most boring times. And especially during the most painful times. But as we grow up, we forget what she looks like. We don’t recognize her invitation to play.

Joy shows up when we suddenly realize the burden we’ve been carrying belongs to someone else entirely.

Joy arrives when we see a task we thought would be filled with drudgery is surprisingly bright.

Joy reveals herself when we drink a soda too fast and it fizzes out our nose and everyone in the room laughs and laughs and laughs. And laughs.

Remember her now?

 

I thought so.

This week, we’re going on a joy hunt. Watch for her. Lift up heavy rocks, look in dark corners. The places you think are the least likely for her to be? That’s where you’ll find her.

Still need help? Follow your kids. Observe them from an anthropologist’s perspective—watching the customs of a different culture. See that? There joy is. Our child’s constant companion.

Wait. What? Constant? You’re thinking I haven’t seen your kids lately. I’m not saying our kiddos are always joyful, or joy-filled. (I mean, let’s be real, remember what happened the day before yesterday at your house? I certainly remember what happened at mine.) Joy isn’t always on–but she is always there.

Joy is an emotional firefly—patiently waiting to shine.

So this week, hunt for joy. Relentlessly. Make it a family event. Have everyone looking for her. Find her, but don’t try to trap her. The magic of a firefly isn’t felt when we capture it in a jar. The magic happens when we see the momentary flash. And then trust impatiently it will appear again.

Joy. She’s out there. She’s right next to you. She’s within you. Enjoy her. Here’s to your Summer of Love.

Xoxo,

p.s. The joy-er part? hearing from you. I’d love to know where you (and the kids!) found joy this week. You can send me an email, or join the conversation here.

p.p.s. Want to make sure you are signed up for Summer of Love emails? Have friends you know will love Summer of Love? click right here to get all signed up. Love the Love.

p.p.s.s. worried you missed a little joy? Here’s week 1 summer of love.

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Free Guide: 5 changes in 5 minutes to make parenting better, easier, right now!

MAY 17th, 2018 6:30 pm

Social and Emotional Roots: What can grow out of an education based on relating to the whole child.

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Free Guide: 5 changes in 5 minutes to make parenting better, easier, right now!

MAY 16th, 2018 begins at 6:00 pm

 

Come joins me for a viewing of the movie Screenagers, followed by a discussion where we address key and surprising elements of the film and how to have healthy screen experiences for our kids.

 

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Free Guide: 5 changes in 5 minutes to make parenting better, easier, right now!

MAY 14th, 2018 6:30 pm

Raising our T(w)eenagers: Bombarded by peers about school, social life, and choices, how to help our kids grow during the middle school years.

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Free Guide: 5 changes in 5 minutes to make parenting better, easier, right now!

MAY 11th, 2018 7:00 pm

Brains, Bodies & Behavior: how to help our daughters grow during middle school.

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Free Guide: 5 changes in 5 minutes to make parenting better, easier, right now!

APRIL 24th, 2018 6:30 – 8:00 pm

Be. Here. Now. and 7 other secrets to transforming discipline

 

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Free Guide: 5 changes in 5 minutes to make parenting better, easier, right now!

MARCH 10th, 2018

At the Expanding Your Horizons STEM conference for middle school girls on the SPSCC campus, I’ll be speaking about Brains, Bodies & Behavior: how to help our daughters grow during middle school. As a total science geek, I’m thrilled to be a part of this day!

eyh

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Free Guide: 5 changes in 5 minutes to make parenting better, easier, right now!